...

I just don't understand sometimes. I knew he was sick and I had a gut feeling it wasn't going to be long before I got a call from Mom and Dad telling me that he died, so why am I such a basket case now?


Mom called and said they were going to unplug the machines. His organs were failing, he wasn't "there" anymore. Aunt Jean, what is she going to do? Please someone give her strength. She has been through the worst, she is losing her husband. She has been watching him slowly leave, sometimes catching a break for just a little bit. Dad is going to lose his buddy...someone he admires for his old-fashioned-ness, and his tool store as Dad called it. Uncle Frank has every tool and gadget imaginable. His consideration for everyone - from the slippers he had waiting for Mom and Dad' visits to the glasses holders in the bathroom and guest rooms, there for the comfort of the guest.


He is 83...he still is now no matter what anyone says. Whatever happens tomorrow is something different. This 83 year old man IS selfless, loving - loved my two boys as if they were his grandsons. When he'd go to the flea markets with my aunt, he would make sure to look for toy cars for my boys, knowing how much they loved cars - especially the ones that had numbers on them. He'd wrap them up in a box and send them down with my parents.


He introduced me to stamp collecting. I see the books he passed down to me, sitting on the
hallway desk, every time I pass through. He gave me all of his stamps, taught me about the different markings, how to mount the stamps, where to get more for my new found collection. I remember visiting their house in NJ - playing in the side yard, going through the side door, through the kitchen into the bright (yellow?) room that had the TV we'd watch.


Does he know about tomorrow? What's going to happen...is he going to be relieved? Out of pain and at peace? Is it terrible that, although I know deep down inside that this is the best for him, I wish tomorrow would never come for that reason? That Aunt Jean has to watch that, and knows what will happen next? Will he know that she loves him as does everyone
that has met him? Will he know?


Will someone please give Aunt Jean strength, hug her so tight, tell her that it's ok? Will it give her peace as well? Knowing he isn't suffering anymore, that he probably wants her to live her life now...she did everything she could and then some.


I don't know how to end this because I don't want it to "end". I love you Uncle Frank. I love that my boys got to know you as the great man I knew since a little girl. I just wish for a bit longer, but I am glad and thankful for the time I've had.